H i s t o r i c O r a n g e !
Thursday, June 14, 2007
  Hey! Remember that time I indirectly sold contraband to a rapist?
Oh, yeah, that time. Haha. What a weird thing! Wow, gosh, how weird was that? How about I provide a timeline of the events?

So, at this time, I haven't thought through what I will really do, but I don't think its going to be easy. The first thing I'm wondering is if this guy has my address and if I don't return the money, is he going to come and rape me after his time is up?

I'll update if I have an update worth mentioning. But honestly, What. The. Fuck.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
  and all the styrofoam began to melt away
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

- Regina Spektor

Get this video and more at MySpace.com
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
  Do they have "Beards" for Nords that aren't metal enough?
You know. How when a gay guy/girl is for whatever reason embarrassed to be somewhere where they are going and they bring along a girl or a guy to be their "beard" so that they
  1. Don't appear to be gay
  2. People think they're dating or with this girl/guy
I kinda wish they had "beards" for all types of things.

This is how I view myself sans-beard:

Underneath my brown hair, is blonde hair.

And underneath my non-beard, is a pelage of coarse hair that bears and even hairy crabs envy.

I can drum on at a rapid pace for hours and I can write lyrics that use the words "destroy" and "Mjolnir" without feeling remorseful. Because the last thing I am is remorseful. (Ghey!)

These possesions of which I speak are my true nature.

In Short, I can do the variety of Cookie Monster-esque voices that are oft-associated with Death Metal, Black Metal and Neo-Metal. I have also learned to to that Emocore screaming (albeit only one note. although i suppose there doesn't have to be more than one note) thats made a few kids with terrible acne make some bank in the Jeffersons and Eisenhowers.

But here is my problem. As brought up by Conor, its too late in our lives to dye our hair and whatnot. We're past the time when we can do these things with teenageawkwardawesome disregard for our appearance. Although I defiantly did try out some of those things (ie. Jncos)

Thusly, thoughtwroughtly and perpendicularly, I cannot look cool and be a metal singer. I just can't. No matter how much I practice (in my car, alone, on empty roads) I will never look cool/be able to perform without genuine and just mockery of me, a doofus, able to act Nordic, sound Nordic, but not look Nordic.

Maybe I can grow a beard, get blonde hair and bulk up like the singer of Amon Amarth, Johan Hegg.

Or not. I'm pretty sure that I'd attract the vixens you'd expect to drink
Budweiser and say that "Mah Daddy is the only man in my life".

I'd have to say my last problem with this issue is that ANYONE CAN WRITE METAL LYRICS.


example: Metal Heart by Dimmu Borgir. A song about your metal heart. Oh, and how death is immenent.

Here's an experiment. Find your Mad Libs book that is probably still in the family car since thats the only place people actually use those things.

Forget the blanks for now. Just write out the words as they are. If there are any names, replace with "Satan" or "Odin" or "Gorgons". If there are any places, replace them with "Hell" and most likely, since this is Norse myth we're talking about, "Ragnarök". Adjust other words to relate to who your talking about and so things make sense. Then fill in the blanks with the same set of parameters.

Oh, make sure you include at least one cuss word. For some reason Metal lyricists don't like to swear as much as rappers.
From "penguingroup.com" I took this Mad Lib about Copernicus and I made my edits. Here is what I came up with:


Four hundred years ago people knew little about our
universe. They thought that the earth was the
center of the entire ___ and that the sun and all of the
___ revolved around it. But then a/an
___ named Copernicus discovered the truth.
The earth revolves around the ___
___ times a year.

Copernicus, whose last name was ___, was born
in Warsaw, and he used one of the first ___
telescopes, which was invented by ___.
This primitive telescope was little more than two pieces of
___ stuck on each end of a/an ___.
In 1600 an Italian ___ named Galileo
expanded Copernicus's ___ theories, but during the
Inquisition in Italy he was ___ arrested. After
___ for six months in jail, Galileo was
forced to ___.

My version goes as follows:

Thor's Uprising

Four hundred years ago people knew little about our
FUCKING universe. They thought that the earth was the
center of the entire UNIVERSE and that the sun and all of the
PITIFUL HUMANS revolved around it. But then a GOD
named THOR discovered the truth.
The FROZEN earth revolves around the RAGNARÖK.

THOR, whose last name was MIGHTY, was born
in FIRE, and he used one of the first
LEGENDARY HAMMERS, which was invented by ODIN.
This LEGENDARY HAMMER was little more than two pieces of
MOLTEN ROCK stuck on each end of a REDWOOD
In 600 BC a DEMON named SATAN
SPREAD THOR'S theories, but during the
Inquisition in HELL he was MADE KING. After
six months in HELL, SATAN was
forced to KILL EVERYONE.

And there you go! No real need of Norse Mythology knowledge. Just know some names and channel the darkess within, or something. Also, remember that this isn't a poem, its a TRAGIC DEATH BALLAD.

Well, Thats really about it. I want to do metal because its in my nature. I'll just have to keep practicing in my car when my metal music comes on. BTW, its kinda fun to do that with Bob Dylan as well.

Friday, September 01, 2006
  Its official

or you can start your own fucking club. assholes.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
  Leonardo defiling a bowling pin
Found this in the Bowie Toy Company store.

Front: He looks so happy...

and Back:

Also, "R2, have a strange feeling about this chocolate..."

The guy at the store later tried to sell me one of those prank flashlights that shock you when you flip the switch. After giving the man the pleasure of seeing me zapped, he told me how people with carpal tunnel syndrome find relief when they use these things to shock their wrists. "Oh, uh, how...odd?"

Monday, July 31, 2006
  I hate Shadow of the Colossus
Shadow of the Colossus is one of those games that really just gets under your skin. Most critics I read said that the game was a cinematic and gaming masterpiece. I'm convinced to say its over rated. That is because I got to the 4th boss and I already became so frustrated that I was inclined to curse repeatedly (as quiet as possible as I only have about 40 square feet to say "you fucking fuck fuck fuck!!! Get on your fucking horse!!!")

My reasons:
  1. I can't get on my horse unless I hit the triangle button repeatedly. I have to keep doing this because the horse either keeps rearing into the air or the camera puts me looking straight at the horse and turns a different direction as I continue to hit the button over and over just jumping and jumping again and again.
  2. The horse has an idiot AI. It runs away when you're trying to call it. It gets stuck behind trees. It runs away over and over and over again. If I wanted to play the game "FIND YOUR FUCKING HORSE!" I would have been happy to do this for 5 minutes every time I attempt at getting on the fucking thing.
  3. The camera only shows the artsy side of myself that is, instead of a top down 3/4 view I have a horizontal 3/4 view meaning I only see the character and horse at the very left or right edge of the screen and everything else to its side. This means I have little concept of location,depth or relative speed. I end up running into walls, trees, the colossus, running over cliffs all as I'm just trying to figure out what is to my left.
  4. There is an included "press L1 to look at the colossus". All this does is focus the camera at the colossus' head which only gives me a stylized look at the character and the colossus meaning that I just get a confusing look at what I'm going after which really only makes it harder to figure out your method of attack.
Here's the thing. You're supposed to play a game because its fun. The first 3 bosses were fun and challenging. The fourth? Its completely impossible. I've seen Youtube videos showing how to do it and I keep trying and it makes no sense that I can actually do what is shown in the video. I'm sure its possible, but its not actually. I managed to get on the second ledge on the back legs but because the damned thing won't stop moving I can't managed to move without losing my grip and hanging on and getting my grip back and then losing it because the colossus moves again and I lose the grip and hang on and yadda yadda yadda.

Its not at all intuitive as the suggested strategy is to hide in a hole until the colossus goes digging for you. Here is the problem: You have to actually lure the thing (like a fish) slowly and surely into place (the correct place that is) and if you decide to creep around the tunnels below and out of one of the other holes, the thing sees you even though you're hidden behind the entrance.

I could go on and I could write it as poorly as I've written this. But honestly all that matters is that while Shadow of the Colossus is a good game in terms of graphics and concept, the game play makes me want to have an aneurysm because all the guy who created the game wanted to see pretty things while you're trying to FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!!


Update: While I later have defeated the 4th Colossus, I'm now on the 9th but still feel the same about this game. Its hearalded for its "realism", but I still feel like its no more than a cool idea wrapped up in the inconsistencies and incompatabilities of artsists who think of pretty things but don't remember that this is being played by a kids who say "pwned" and "lolz" and not art critics.
Friday, July 14, 2006
  People who I know who I refer to with proper nouns!
I happened upon some of my former classmates work from Comm 383. I hope they don't mind me putting some of that up here. I'll give you credit guys. But I highly doubt you will find this page anyways. Am I talking to myself?

Peter Siestrzewitowski, Mario Troia, Nigel McFarlane: Rusty Cage
(I was involved with this one for about a day)

Jorge Herrera & Matt Hance: The Beat Down

Jonathan Fernandez: The Admiral & Betrayal

Is it lame to post videos? I mean, they're quite entertaining and absolutly all the rage on the Internet (why is it capitalized by the way? I mean, I guess its a proper noun, but so is pickle and thats not capitalized) [wait, is pickle a proper noun?] {uhhhhhh.......}

Update: Mollie tells me "
hahahahhaa pickle is a simple noun because there are lots of them. there is only one internet. rock"
  This post is intended to lessen the seriousness of the previous post
Because I don't want to be completely bummed out and have only a bummer of a post, I thought I should hand out some entertaining YouTube clips to even it out.




and Germans:

Also, don't forget a maze that was cut into a field in the shape of recognizable Star Trek icons.
  Dear John,

I just wanted to tell you that I had a dream last night. I was in a different version of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". Basically, it was yourself, myself, Mollie, Tory and a few others who I think were just placeholders to keep the story interesting and moving. The story was different in just about every way because it had nothing to do with the entire story.

In anycase, we were traveling through the world (it was really quite linear) doing the adventure thing. But for some reason, you and Tory were always trailing us and kept your distance at all times. We'd be walking through some museum curated by an ecstatic older fellow who claimed to be the proprietor and display maker of the museum (turns out he was) but she and you would be distant and trailing the rest of us. There also was the dressy dinner on a hill with a steep incline where they served alcoholic Jones soda and Chocolate Milk. I ended up sitting by myself (Mollie wasn't there for some reason). It was odd because you both were so distant and I couldn't manage to get your attention or even try to figure out what was going on between you two.

What is really sad is that this isn't a dream. Or at least the whole distance thing, because I'd be all over alcoholic Jones soda. Seriously though. What the fuck man? Whats going on? Why the distance? All I want to do is help and maybe tell you that I wish I was at your birthday bar hop and I wish that you and Tory would stop all this internet feuding (Myspace isn't a secret hideout, its just been deemed most frequented on the internet [source: hitwise]).

Just talk to me sometime ok? I want to be your friend. Friends want to help and support.



ps. Do you like Virginian Ham?
Friday, July 07, 2006
  Trip the shrooms fantastic
Dreams to me are usually not something that I really put much weight into because of the crock ideas used to analyze them (ie. bathing means I want to go back into the womb. I mean WTF?). Even further, I don't really understand my dreams whatsoever in such a way that I don't even know if they're worth looking into because they're often full of absurd things that should be kept secret since my brain likes to dream about things like ice cream monsters and the like.

In addition to bogus dreams, I also get prophetic dreams. The ones where later you see the event you dreamed about in your mind. These freak you out ("freak ouuuttt!" ~ Rob Cooper) and the people you tell that you dreamed of that very moment. Although what makes last night's dream interesting is how prophetic the Internet was today as this is what I came across:



and Hallucinating

Björk also had a part in this whole thing as she and her performance-artist butt seems to just want to make the world even stranger. As well as making Pandas sexy. (see right)

Anyways, the dream I had last night is worth repeating. I'm going to keep it simple so that I don't confuse you:
    1. Outside the Body - When dropped on blood outside the body, this drug quickly forms a sphere of Iron the size of a basket ball. In mere seconds round balloons start protruding from one side of the ball and longer more animal balloon like balloons protrude from the other side forming a dreadfully wicked looking formation that floats until it dissolves after expelling all of its energy which is generated by the original blood pumping through the long balloons to the round balloons in a way that resembles a heart.
    2. Inside the Body - A similar occurence forms within the body but at a much smaller scale as the blood that is available is both moving within the veins and there is more blood to go around. While this formation is replicating in your bloodstream you yourself will start to float much like the balloon. The real use of the drug is to give you a sense of elation (which is awfully punny if I must say) and complete forgetfulness. Often patients take the drug to forget their problems.
From there I woke up from my dream a whole two hours after I wanted to get up in the first place. This is the sort of stuff that my dreams are made of. Although this one was actually really involving and actually quite scary.

Mollie says that the dreams that keep her awake are the ones that feel like you're swirling around (which I would equate with dizziness). But I don't feel like when I have any dreams that I lose sleep. In fact I think I probably gain sleep as my dreams keep me involved with what is going on.

I'd like to differ with scientists who think dreaming is the brains way of rejuvenating or just random synapses firing which happen to only occur during the REM stage of sleep which is supposed to only last a half hour. My dreams seem like a completely different world that last for far longer than a half hour. If there is anything that I believe is that it is random because I know that a few parts of my dream were from this weekend's wedding retreat.

Whatever. I'm glad I got to remember this dream as long as I have. I just never really get to hold onto the ones where I eat the entire ice cream monster where I don't even care if I get fat.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
  Encumbered _____________
The Fourth of July was fun.
Its all I can say.

By the way, on the ride home Mollie and I came up with a most immature redux of a word that was actua
lly brought up quite a bit this weekend at Cary's wedding (which I will post on later).

For example "I was researching the fundamentals of internet memes so that I could stay abreast in today's technological society." Our redux is very simple: "I was researching the fundamentals of internet memes so that I could stay aboobie in today's technological society."

Lastly, there were buckets of Jones' soda. Bubble gum, Berry, Cream Soda. It was totally great because of this and also the copius amounts of hot dogs, mile high club sandwiches and whoopee pies.

Something you may not know about Mollie is that she is really quite messy and barbaric with crabs.

My short statement of the whole thing was that it was filled with people of a wide variety of donation amounts as well as those who are yet to be a part of this grand almsgiving. They are very nice people and awfully well dressed as well as patriotic as they know what is right for this country.*

*affabilty for safety encased in a candy delicious jibe
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
  Hormones in the Headphones (no I'm not overtly sexual, blame Victor Wooten)
Ok, now that I'm on the hunt for jobs and such and seeing as I have established a certain domain in which I should get a job, I have established an office. This is my office.

Although, this wasn't always my office. Originally I had been working from my front yard in a adirondac chair underneath the Crabapple tree. My existence there was less enjoyable as you can only make phone calls in your pajamas, sitting in your front yard, for everyone to see, for so long.

It was by suggestion by my mother to move into the garage where the tool bench was. Its slightly moody and slightly annoying that no one knows I'm sitting right there when they come out to get a drink. Whatever. But the greatest part of this is less the fact that I'm back at my own computer so that I can do my own thing once again. Rather, I am more excited to have at my ready a surefire set of headphones to play my music. And what headphones they are.

They're a bit big. Not in the bad way. Just, they've got one heck of a cross beam to, I dunno, keep my head safe from falling objects?

Either way, they are great. I live for being able to have comfortable, quality headphones. Yes, I do know that Mollie did give me a kickass pair for Christmas. But we already figured that out. I wanted to make the choice myself and I wanted to replace my busted headphones and I had some money to spend that I should spend on myself and not rent or phone bills.

Anyways, my office hours are 8:00AM till PartyTimePm. Also, I'll have to update like nuts once I actually have a job and actually have something worth blogging. Cause y'all know this was pointless except for the gratuitous shot of my noggin.

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