H i s t o r i c O r a n g e !
Monday, July 31, 2006
  I hate Shadow of the Colossus
Shadow of the Colossus is one of those games that really just gets under your skin. Most critics I read said that the game was a cinematic and gaming masterpiece. I'm convinced to say its over rated. That is because I got to the 4th boss and I already became so frustrated that I was inclined to curse repeatedly (as quiet as possible as I only have about 40 square feet to say "you fucking fuck fuck fuck!!! Get on your fucking horse!!!")

My reasons:
  1. I can't get on my horse unless I hit the triangle button repeatedly. I have to keep doing this because the horse either keeps rearing into the air or the camera puts me looking straight at the horse and turns a different direction as I continue to hit the button over and over just jumping and jumping again and again.
  2. The horse has an idiot AI. It runs away when you're trying to call it. It gets stuck behind trees. It runs away over and over and over again. If I wanted to play the game "FIND YOUR FUCKING HORSE!" I would have been happy to do this for 5 minutes every time I attempt at getting on the fucking thing.
  3. The camera only shows the artsy side of myself that is, instead of a top down 3/4 view I have a horizontal 3/4 view meaning I only see the character and horse at the very left or right edge of the screen and everything else to its side. This means I have little concept of location,depth or relative speed. I end up running into walls, trees, the colossus, running over cliffs all as I'm just trying to figure out what is to my left.
  4. There is an included "press L1 to look at the colossus". All this does is focus the camera at the colossus' head which only gives me a stylized look at the character and the colossus meaning that I just get a confusing look at what I'm going after which really only makes it harder to figure out your method of attack.
Here's the thing. You're supposed to play a game because its fun. The first 3 bosses were fun and challenging. The fourth? Its completely impossible. I've seen Youtube videos showing how to do it and I keep trying and it makes no sense that I can actually do what is shown in the video. I'm sure its possible, but its not actually. I managed to get on the second ledge on the back legs but because the damned thing won't stop moving I can't managed to move without losing my grip and hanging on and getting my grip back and then losing it because the colossus moves again and I lose the grip and hang on and yadda yadda yadda.

Its not at all intuitive as the suggested strategy is to hide in a hole until the colossus goes digging for you. Here is the problem: You have to actually lure the thing (like a fish) slowly and surely into place (the correct place that is) and if you decide to creep around the tunnels below and out of one of the other holes, the thing sees you even though you're hidden behind the entrance.

I could go on and I could write it as poorly as I've written this. But honestly all that matters is that while Shadow of the Colossus is a good game in terms of graphics and concept, the game play makes me want to have an aneurysm because all the guy who created the game wanted to see pretty things while you're trying to FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!!


Update: While I later have defeated the 4th Colossus, I'm now on the 9th but still feel the same about this game. Its hearalded for its "realism", but I still feel like its no more than a cool idea wrapped up in the inconsistencies and incompatabilities of artsists who think of pretty things but don't remember that this is being played by a kids who say "pwned" and "lolz" and not art critics.
I like this game, but, there's a time attack mode that makes me hate it...
and what do you win by beating the hard mode...?
This game WAS a masterpiece for its time.

Instead of the usual shoot em up first person, or kill a million enemy spawn, this game was both strategic and enjoyable.

The fourth colossus is by no means impossible, and is in fact on of the easiest. The game get's progressively harder. Don't like it? Play tic-tac-toe, the difficulty curve might be more on your level.
I think its awesome that I wrote this like 400 years ago and yet its popular enough for more than 1 comment and one of those being a total troll!

I feel so happy now!

Anyways, no, the game is actually great. The horse is just like "ok how do I attack this thing" and then your run around for an hour and you're still like "ok, ok, ok...ok...I don't get it" and if I remember correctly, there are lasers coming at you? Anyways. FREAKED ME OUT.

Thanks for making this post worthwhile!
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